Tuesday, 29 January 2013

274: I Don’t Like Ham

I don’t like ham, I don’t like chicken and I don’t like beef.  No meat of any kind thank you.  They’re just too fluffy to eat.  OK more hairy, feathery and leathery but you get what I mean.  I could no more eat an animal than I could eat my mother or you for that matter.  I get fed up with having to justify to people why I don’t eat animals so here it is, one time, just for you.

It’s all a big cycle, this life of ours.  We think we humans are at the top of the pile but we aren’t.  Being human is OK but it’s only about halfway up the scale.  We think dolphins aren’t far behind us and pigs are quite clever and know some dogs manage better in many situations than some people do.  Think again.

Dolphins, pigs, badgers and dogs are the brains and the muscle for the real masters.  Cats are in charge of everything.  The cats and dogs fighting thing is all a ruse to divert suspicion from the scheming that is really going on.  Humans have been subjugated by these animals for centuries and we’ve never had the wit to realize.  We feed them and home them and stroke them and kid ourselves we want to look after them.

And then we go and eat their brothers and sisters.

We move between the levels in the life cycle and eating other members sends us in a definite downwards direction.  Humans get a couple of goes at life in which to avoid eating all formerly living things before we are demoted one level and know what’s lower than humans?  A dung beetle.  Then we have one life as a dung beetle, which doesn’t eat ham ever, and then we get promoted to people again.  And probably we spend another few cycles still eating ham before relegated to dung beetles and so on forever.

So think of it this way.  No ham equals good equals heading towards being a dolphin in a near-future life.  Ham equals bad equals you get to be a dung beetle again.  Why do you think guys are so obsessed with football?

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