Monday, 21 January 2013

266: Mum Could You Do Me A Big Ol' Favour Later

Mum, I need my blue shirt for tonight, the one with the stripes on it that you said is a nightmare to iron.  I think it’s on the floor in my room.  Could you look for me and sort it out?  It might need a soak because I dropped Guinness on it last week.  I’ll be back about 6.30 and out again at 7.  Thanks Mum.

Mum, have we got any bread?  The guys are coming back from the pub with me and we all fancy bacon sarnies.  And any bacon?  Could you nip and get some from the petrol station if we don’t?  You make the best bacon sarnies.  They all say that.  Will you still be up when we get it?  It won’t be much after midnight.  Thanks Mum.

Mum, I met this girl out the other night and we had a few dates and stuff but now she keeps bothering me.  She got hold of our number so I wondered if you would answer the phone for me and tell her I’m not interested.  Or that I’ve left home.  Or dead, up to you really.  Thanks Mum.

Mum, can I borrow the car for a few days?  It’s just I said I’d help Michael move and I forgot that I don’t have a car.  He’s got way to much stuff to carry and your car is really big.  It’s not far, just a few junctions down the motorway and we’ll only need to go about five times, maximum.  So can you make sure there’s enough petrol in it too?  Thanks Mum.

Mum, can we get a dog?  He followed me home and he’s really cute.  He could keep you company when I’m out.  Could you get him a welcome bone?  Thanks Mum.

Mum, I’m a bit short this month so I don’t think I can manage all the housekeeping.  In fact, could you and Dad maybe lend me some?  Probably just a few hundred would be enough.  Maybe five hundred.  Can I pay you back in instalments?  Or maybe it could be a present because you love me.  Mum?  Thanks Mum.

Mum, the dog sat on my shirt.  Can you make him get down?  Oh bloody hell, it’s all hairy now and after you ironed it for me.  What about the green one instead?  Thanks Mum.

Mum.  You know you love me.  You’d still love me whatever I did wouldn’t you?  And you’d do anything to help me, wouldn’t you.  No, it’s not money or washing.  It might include needing the car.  And a shovel.  And some black bags.  Definitely a good shovel and a hand digging?  I do love you, you know.

Thanks Mum.

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