362: Crazy Pockets

When Colin began to lose his sight, he bought himself a coat with big pockets.  Not at first though, when he was still able to function pretty well at that point and it was just the edges of what he saw that blurred like Vaseline on a 1950s film lens.  It was almost six months before anyone noticed he always turned his entire upper body towards wherever he wanted to look and then a while longer before anyone commented on it.

But when he could no longer carry shopping bags because he needed one hand to skim the stick skewering a snooker cueball across pavements and the other to balance himself if he wobbled as he walked.  That’s when he changed his coat.

Sometimes Colin laughed inside as he packed his pockets full of his purchases.  He could barely see at all but caught a dim reflection of himself in the hallway mirror when he arrived home.  A bright streak of sunlight lit him up and he could just make out two bottles of bleach showing at his hips like a Wild West cleaner’s holster.

With the world little more than blobs and blurs and with colours running to grey more each day, Colin found little besides Radio 4 to entertain himself.  Until he hit upon the idea of Crazy Pockets.  He thought it would be just him and maybe a few bored sight-impaired folk might follow his blog, but his idea went viral.

So much healthier than happy slapping or tombstoning, Crazy Pocketeers (the community vetoed Crazy Pocketers as sounding too much like thievery) set themselves challenges to Pocket the most Crazy items they could, and post word pictures online.  Actual photos were optional but as families and friends got involved, more images started to appear always to be described in words for the talking software to share out loud.

Colin was having more fun than he could ever remember.  His most audacious Crazy Pocket yet was a large tube of hemorrhoid cream in one pocket and a purple 12” marital aid in the other.  Brailing that in a way suitable for a wide audience taxed his powers of description and he wouldn't post the image to the blog until a friend had pixellated the it so much it resembled a bunch of grapes protruding from his pocket.

When he could sense some people on the street were watching him as he passed, hoping for the glimpse of something bizarre in his pockets that they could brag about to others, Colin thought fame had found him.  That was until an international condom manufacturer asked him to consider filling his pockets with their products.  And thats when Colin’s Pockets got Crazier than he had ever imagined.