Saturday, 16 June 2012

47: More Body Parts Needed

Peter had amassed a torso, a left leg, two right legs, a right arm and a left hand, missing the thumb.  He was fairly confident he would locate a left arm soon but he had no idea where to find a head.

It had started as a dare, a challenge from the guys in the pub.  Peter thought it would be easy to build a modern-day Frankenstein's monster.  Dave and Chris thought it was unlikely whilst Andy said he was completely deluded.  Then they challenged him to build one if he could.  Three months later, nothing more had been said so it had been quietly assumed Peter had been blowing hot air.  Andy was all for asking him about it but Dave reckoned it would be best to let it blow over.

Unfortunately the various body parts didn't quite go together so Peter had to choose between finding two matching legs or a creation with a bit of a limp.  In the end he decided to saw three inches off the top of the thigh.  The legs were then more or less the same length but one knee was four inches higher than the other.  Maybe if it only ever stood up that would be less noticeable.

Peter was feeling pleased with himself after finding a lovely arm due for incineration at the hospital where he worked.  He'd taken it home and added it to the chest freezer with the other body parts.  Then he rang the lads and arranged to meet them for a drink later, planning to let them know he was almost reading for the unveiling.

When Peter arrived the other three were already halfway down their pints.  He bought a round and they chatted for hours about girls, cars and football as normal.  It wasn't until last orders were called that he raised the subject of his creation.

"I'm nearly there, guys," he said.

"Nearly where?" said Dave.  "Totally pissed-ville?"

"No with my person.  Building someone out of other body parts."

"Don't be daft, you have not," said Chris.

Andy just scowled and sunk his pint.  "Refill anyone?"

"It's true," said Peter, "I just need a head then I'm done."

"Man that's gruesome," said Dave, still not believing him.  "Where do you get the bits?  Where do you keep them?"

Peter explained about the hospital incinerator and his chest freezer at home, outlining how he planned to reanimate the body, as Andy got back with their pints.

"I don't believe a word of it," he said.  "It's not possible to make a real human out of bits of old ones and decaying bits at that.  You're mad and we must be too for even listening to you."  They drank up in uncomfortable silence, got ready to leave and said their goodbyes.

Peter fumed on his way home and decided he'd show Andy.  He'd invite him round, show him the body so far, maybe ask his advice.  Maybe if he'd not seen such a thing Peter would find it hard to believe too.  Before he could change his mind, Peter rang Andy and asked him round.  "I'd really like you to be part of it," he said and they made plans to meet.

A few days later Chris and Dave received texts inviting them to a grand unveiling, Peter's house 7.30 that evening.  "Andy and I have collaborated and we'll show you our work tonight" the message ended.

When they arrived, Peter took them straight outside and into the garden shed.  In the corner was a shape covered in a sheet, roughly the right size to be a person.  It was swaying very slightly side to side. 

"Gentlemen, I give you..." began Peter, but Chris interrupted.  "Aren't we waiting for Andy?  He'd really want to see this."

"Don't worry, he'll put in an appearance soon.  So, as I was saying.  I'd like to introduce to you my own creation of man.  I brought Andy round to meet him just a few days ago and he helped me solve the problem of what to do about a head.  Then I just had to animate him and that was the easiest part.  I think you'll agree he's a pretty handsome bugger."

With a flourish he pulled off the sheet and there, blinking, stood a jigsaw of a man, pieces sewn together at the joints and neck.  He fixed a stare at Chris and Dave and gave a low groan. 

"Is that?  Oh my God.  Is it Andy's head?"

Andy's head turned slightly and said "Yes, it's my head.  He cut it off and stuck it on this body.  He fucking managed it guys," his voice raspy and sore.

Chris and Dave ran, their screams audible all the way up the street.

"Thanks mate," said Peter.

"No worries," said Andy, wiping the painted stitches off his neck with the sheet.  “Told you it would never work though."

"Yeah but it was worth seeing their faces when I pulled off the sheet."

"I nearly lost it then," said Andy.  "So fifty quid and night of beer we agreed?  And maybe you should take all those other body parts back to work and incinerate them before somebody catches you at it."

Inspired by “More body parts found in Canada”

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