Sunday, 27 May 2012

27: The Prince’s Jet Ski

Once upon a time there was a wise king and a beautiful queen and they had a son who was the most perfectly behaved prince ever.  He was kind and thoughtful and polite and everybody loved him.  Being a prince, he wanted for nothing in a palace that was full of toys and games and electronics.  So when he was 21 the king and queen didn’t know what to buy him for a special birthday present. 

They asked the prime minister and he suggested a jet ski.  “All the young men have them now, sir,” he said.  “I’ve even been on one myself.  They are such fun.”  A jet ski it would be then.

On the day of his birthday the king and queen had the jet ski wrapped and delivered on the lawn outside the prince’s bedroom.  He was as delighted as a child on Christmas morning, knowing as he unwrapped it that it couldn’t be a bike, but as excited as if it was.  The engine gleamed and the petrol tank shone piano black in the sunlight. 

The king handed him the key and said, “There you are my boy, take her for a spin.”

“Thank you Father,” said the prince.  “But this is Berkshire and it’s rather a long way to the sea.”

“Oh can I tell him?” squealed the queen.  “The rest of your present is beyond the lower field.  We built you a lake to play with it on.  Grandpapa is waiting there now.”

“Thank you Father, thank you Mother,” he said, shaking his father’s hand and kissing his mother on the cheek.  “This really is too much.”  And they all made their way to the new lake, with the butler and some of the other staff.

Once the jet ski had been lowered into the water the prince stepped aboard and put the key in the ignition.  He glanced round and made a quick salute before turning the key, opening the throttle and roaring off across the lake. 

“Does he think he’s some sort of sailor?” muttered his grandfather.

The prince drove round and round the lake, getting faster with every turn.  He drove close to the small crowd watching him and splashed them, before driving round again and drenching them on the second passing.

“I say,” said the king, “what on earth is he doing?  Somebody ring the prime minister and find out what’s wrong.”

Meanwhile the prince pulled up at the bank, turned the jet ski off and walked towards the crowd.  “Hey Pops,” he said, “that’s bear cool.  You should take her for a spin.  Might get you some action, know what I mean?”  He winked, tossed the keys to the king and sauntered off in the direction of the palace.

“Sir, I’ve reached the prime minister,” said the butler.  “It’s not good I’m afraid.”

“Well, what is it?” said the king.

“He says he forgot to mention that owning a jet ski turns anyone, even the nicest person imaginable, into a total cock.”

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