Friday, 18 May 2012

18: Safety Training

I admit it, I’m a bit of an ambulance chaser.  The work is regular, it pays well and the good old British public have developed a real taste for litigation.  I know some of them aren’t strictly accurate claims but my job isn’t to judge.  That’s for the actual judge to do, if the other side don’t settle beforehand that is.

And some of the best ones make great dinner party stories.  Since I’ve started taking no win no fee cases I’ve heard some incredible stories, and I mean that in the literal sense, but I’m not one to turn down an invite to someone else’s sirloin and Merlot.

The best one ever was the traffic warden who sued her employer for damages after she unknowingly ticketed a transformer.  I got her a bundle and even more for myself.  Bought this watch with the proceeds.  See how the dial and face come apart and look like a little man? 

Anyway, it was all down to the training.  Or lack of, more like.  Her induction included irate drivers, irate passengers, irate pedestrians, avoiding moving vehicles (low and high speed) and even how to minimize the risk of blisters.  They provided wet weather gear, comfortable shoes and a mobile for emergencies.

What they didn’t cover in their Health and Safety was how to deal with cars and vans that are really intergalactic robots hiding on Earth and who don’t appreciate having things stuck on their disguised faces.

Luckily she wasn’t badly hurt though.  She probably would have gone to someone else if she had been, so that’s good news all round.  It was an unheard of event see, so we could pretty much name our price in the settlement.  The council were keen to hush it all up, worried that house prices would fall if it came out that they might find inter-species warfare happening on the front lawn.  So we cleaned up.

She was happy because she made enough to ensure she never has to walk those miles of streets ever again.

And I’m setting about a new career advising public bodies on the legal implications of the judgement and how to train your staff properly to deal with transformer rage.

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