I know I shouldn’t do it but I can’t help it. I’m not in control, that must be it. A force outside my body is making me do it. Something or someone else is controlling me. Something or someone else is making pick up the screwdriver. I don’t want to hold it. I want to put it down but I can’t. I know it will hurt her and I know I’m still going to do it anyway. Nothing will be the same again. Nothing and she will never forgive me. I want her to not see me do it. Please look away, please. I wish she would stop me. I wish she could stop me. I’m going to stick the screwdriver in now. The socket is too tempting and I have to stick it in there. Because I don’t want to live with the hurt it will cause her.