Wednesday, 13 February 2013

289: Fight Club

Carl got the idea from the movie.  At first he didn’t even know if it would work but he figured nothing ventured, so he tried it.

There was a lot of her to get rid of.  Stupid fat bitch had really let herself go and she only got what she deserved.  He hadn’t wanted to do it but she left him no choice.  Always goading him and nagging him about money and a job and then complaining when he wanted to have sex with her.  Stupid cow.  He was glad he’d done it.

The barrel he chose for melting her down was huge.  Just as well really, he thought.  He’d decided to chunk her up and feed the flesh to local foxes and strays, but that still left a hefty pile of fat to get rid of.  She was never only a size 16, even if her clothes did say that in the labels.  Carl would have to burn them unless he chanced dropping them in all of the charity shops across the city.

Getting hold of enough stuff to melt her took longer than he thought.  Lots of her meant lots of powder to dissolve her.  He looked it up on Wikipedia and although it didn’t have full instructions he did find some useful stuff.  Saponification, it was called, and Carl realized that would be probably the longest word he actually understood.  He was supposed to use moulds to make it look nice instead of lumpy bits of soap, but he decided she’d just have to stay in the barrel and he’d find a way to cut it out of there.

Carl wasn’t prepared for the smell.  He thought it would be, well soapy.  Like washing your hands, maybe with some cheap stuff from a school toilet or something.  But it was a rancid stink that came off the barrel of dissolving fat cow ex-girlfriend.  By then it was too late to change his mind and it was too heavy to move the barrel anywhere else.  He was stuck with her still, even after he’d killed her.  Typical, stupid cow, never leaving him alone.

He decided she wouldn’t need any of her perfumy shit again, so Carl emptied all of the bottles he could find into the barrel and gave it a good stir.  She was dissolving nicely and the smell was odd, but not quite so bad now.  Only a few days and she’d harden up and he could start sticking her into bags to get rid of.  Carl wondered about making some nice shapes and giving them to her family as presents, but honestly, he couldn’t really be bothered.

There was a knock at the door and a voice.  “Police, open up.  We’re looking for Kayleigh Burrows.”  Carl ignored it but the banging carried on.  It sounded like the door might break down at any moment, so he went to answer it.

“Sorry, she’s in the bathroom,” said Carl.  “You can’t see her right now.  She’s all wet and soapy.”

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