Friday, 23 November 2012

207: Getting What You Want II

“Have a nice day,” whispered Beryl, to their retreating backs.

Chris walked ahead of Lyn as they left the store and headed for the car.  As they neared it, a red car came tearing round the corner and into the main car park.  It drove close to the parked cars, meaning Lyn had to get out of the way quickly.  As she did, she lost her balance and tripped, landing heavily between two parked cars.  Lyn let out a shriek, part surprise part pain.  Chris heard and sprinted back to her, dropping the bags as he ran. 

“Babe, are you ok?  Can you get up?”  He knelt down next to Lyn.

“Just shaken I think.  Did you see that idiot?  He could have knocked us both over.”

“Yeah, I’ll go and have a word with him about that,” said Chris, starting to get to his feet. 

Lyn put a hand on his arm.  “No, stay with me.  Let’s just go home.  Can you help me up?”
Together they shuffled towards the car.  Whilst Lyn got into the passenger seat, Chris rescued the shopping.  As Chris drove the car towards home, Lyn placed her hand on her stomach, not yet even showing signs of a new life inside.  She made small strokes with her hand, neither of them saying anything.

“You sure you’re OK?” asked Chris.  “We could get you checked out at the doctor just in case.  I mean, there’s the baby to…  What if something happens and you get…  I just want you to be OK.”

Lyn smiled.  “I’m fine, Chris.  It doesn’t hurt anywhere.  Well maybe my knees, but nowhere important.  I just want to lie down because I feel a bit shaky.  If it starts to hurt we can get checked out, alright?”

When they got home, Chris settled Lyn in bed with tea and a magazine.  “Call me if you need anything.  I’ll look in on you again later.  Love you.”  He went to unpack then fired up his laptop.  He searched NHS and medical websites, looking for advice about falls in early pregnancy.  Most places advised rest and a check-up with a GP, but any sign of bleeding meant straight to A&E.  Surely Lyn would notice that and would know it could be serious.

What if Lyn’s fall hurts the baby?  I don’t know exactly how many weeks she is but the first few months are when most babies are lost isn’t it?  So she might lose it.  We might not have a baby to even talk about.  But it would be even worse if she bled too much and she was in danger too.  Like maybe the baby making her bleed inside and we don’t know about it.  Could she die?  No baby is bad but no Lynnie would be more than I could deal with.  I love her so much.  I need her.  And just a few hours ago I thought it was more important to convince her to have this baby, but maybe it would make her ill.  Or kill her.  She’s so much more important to me.  I’m going to go and she her, tell her we need to get her seen and that I don’t care what happens or what she chooses as long as she’s OK.

Chris went to the bedroom and tapped on the door.  There was no reply so he opened the door and looked in.  Lyn was asleep curled up on the bed.  He watched her sleeping for a moment, her chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm, then closed the door.

When she was pretty sure he had gone, Lyn opened one eye just to check.  He had.  She rolled into a tighter ball, glad that he hadn’t come in and tried to wake her.  She needed some time on her own.

I’m scared to check but I think I feel dampness.  What if it’s blood?  I could be bleeding and that would mean it’s definite.  There is definitely a baby and blood means it is going to die.  My baby is going to die.  I don’t want that, it’s not even an option, not a choice.  I know I was thinking of not having him, or her, but not because something is wrong and it dies.  Please be OK, please don’t die, Baby.  I want to hold you in my arms, to touch you and tell you I love you.  How could I ever have thought I might get rid of you?  That would be me killing a little person.  Chris was right.  We should have this baby together and be a family.  But he might hate me, for even thinking about the other.  What if it’s too late?

Before she could change her mind, she sat up and called, “Chris.  Chris!”  He came running in.  “You’re right, we should get checked out.  Could you take me to the doctor please?  And when we’re done, we should talk.”

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