Sunday, 18 November 2012

202: The Other Guard

I hate working with that tosser Phil.  Just because he was in the TA he thinks he’s some kind of soldier and we should all work like this is the military.  Well if he’s so good, how come he was never in the proper army then?  One of these days he’ll push me too far and I’ll say that to him.  He always comes in here like this job is on some kind of manoeuvres.  This is a minimum wage job stopping people nicking stuff from SupaValu.  If you can be bothered.

I’ve got a list of things I will and won’t do to stop thieving.  I will do my rounds, I will follow suspicious characters, I will make notes in my book if I have a working pen, I will cuff someone round the head, I will support my colleagues.  I will not run fast, I will not run off the premises (at any speed), I will not tackles pairs of shoplifters, I will not risk my own safety, I will not practise Phil’s emergency drill, I will not do as he says, I will not be here forever, I hope.

I like patrolling the outside of the store sometimes, just for a change of scenery.  On the days I work with Phil I seem to spend quite a bit of time out there, not that I admit it to him.  I say I saw him in the store and hope he believes me.  I do sometimes and then I usually go off in the other direction.  I saw him when those cars crashed just now.  He was like a kid at a birthday party.  He took a few seconds to get there and then he rushed straight in with his little policeman’s book out ready to make note and take statements.

The cars hit as I was just making it outside and the last thing I wanted was to get involved in that nonsense.  If I’m honest I’m glad Phil rushed to take charge.  I turned round and came back inside the store instead.  Lots of the shoppers crowded round outside or stood up against the windows gawping so it’s lovely and quiet.  It’s a bit like the place late in the evenings before the after pub rush.  I like working then too.  In fact, all my favourite times in this job are when there aren’t many people about and not much Phil about either.

I saw some kid hanging about those electronic reader things but he definitely didn’t take one.  Phil might have been watching him before he ran off.  Imagine if I’d caught him nicking one and Phil didn’t.  He’d have never shut up about it.  Shame really, but the lad wasn’t the type.  Some people just look shifty because they’re nervous I reckon, and he was probably just one of those.  Plus he’d have set the alarms off when he tried to leave and he never.

From here I can see them still trying to sort out the cars outside.  There’s loads of cars having to swerve round them and Phil looks like he’s struggling to direct traffic in two directions and tell the drivers what to do.  Maybe I should go out and help him. 

Nah, he’s doing OK.  And someone has to look after the store, don’t they.

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