Tuesday, 7 August 2012

99: Your Majesty

Dear Your Royal Highness
     You may not have heard of me but my name is Danny and I am a film director. You might have heard of my work – Slumdog Millionaire was very popular. Anyway, I digress. I'm going to be directing the opening ceremony for the Olympics and wondered if you might like to be part of things? I know you will be there to do the officiating bit but could I entice you to play a bigger role, I wonder.
     I have a few ideas and if you'd been interested maybe we could discuss them. And you might have some ideas of your own perhaps and I'm always encouraging my people to develop their own role.
Yours Danny Boyle

Dear Mr Boyle
     One has considered your letter and one is intrigued. What do you have in mind? Not that one is committing to anything at this stage.
Elizabeth R

Dear Queen Elizabeth
     That is fabulous news. Here are my initial thoughts. I'd value your thoughts
  1. My theme will be Britain through the ages, so how about portraying Queen Victoria?
  2. A modern view of the monarchy – yourself and Philip walking the corgis in Hyde Park, Charles and Camilla strolling behind feeding ducks, Wills and Kate playing kiss chase in and between you all.
  3. Or could you see yourself as Boadicea?
     None of these would be a speaking part and wouldn't require much acting.
Yours Danny B

Dear Danny
  1. One doesn't wear all black. It does so drain one's complexion.
  2. No. Not sharing a stage with that woman.
  3. Not really. It's all that standing up in chariots puts one off.
     One does have a suggestion. It was Philip, really. Could it be an action scene? Then it could be recorded in advance and the corgis could take part. In the palace would be good too. And one is used to public speaking so a few words would be acceptable.

     PS Could there be an dashing spy in it? Don't tell Philip it was my idea, just pretend you really can't do it any other way. There could be some silverware in it for you, but no promises.
     PPS And jumping out of a helicopter.  Normally it's only the boys in the family get to do that and it looks such fun.

Dear Liz
     Got a fabulous idea that ties together everything you suggest – and what excellent suggestions they are too – with the spectacle and ceremony the Olympics deserves.
     Now, have you heard of 007......

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