Tuesday, 9 October 2012

162: Good Omens?

Last week Jeremy had met a cow.  True, he had been in the countryside and that is usually where most British cows live, but the way he happened upon the cow was a surprise.  He had been down in a trench, shoring up the sides so the gang could lay new pipes, when he heard a noise.  He raised his head and came eye-to-eye with a black and white heifer who was as interested as he was shocked.  The cow sniffed his head, and gave his cheek a long lick before seeming to decide there wasn’t much in the hole for a cow after all, and wandering off.  Cow slobber stuck bits of grass to his stubbled face and he could smell cud, or so he imagined.

This Saturday he was heading out to football wearing the new strip shirt.  The sun was shining so Jeremy slung his jacket over his shoulder and walked towards the stadium with a bit of a swagger.  He knew he looked good and admired him reflection in windows as he passed by.  He didn’t catch sight of any birds roosting or flying past, but the warm wet slime slipping down his hair told him one was nearby.  It was sticky and smelly and cooled as it dribbled down his ear and onto his neck.  His shirt showed brown splashes round the neckline.  Trying not to retch, Jeremy turned back for home texting his mates not to expect him after all.

And now Jeremy found himself looking at a snake.  The more poisonous the better, his Gran had always said, but then she probably hadn’t ever met one herself.  It was that trench again, although this time Jeremy was fetching some tools from the back of his van when he met the snake.  Looking up and finding a snake whether poisonous or not, was a frightening thought.  He looked at it for long minutes, deciding he shouldn’t move quickly in case he startled it and made it bite.  Deep down he knew it was probably a grass snake, possibly an adder, so very unlikely to kill him but after the cow and the bird Jeremy played safe.

That evening Jeremy bought 10 lottery tickets, signed up for an online dating site and rang his Dad to ask for a loan.  With good omens like those what could go wrong?  But he hoped next time he could find a four-leaf clover or see a shooting star instead.

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